6 Ways to Convince a Man to Love You
Take the man’s hand in yours and drag him somewhere.
My wife noticed a cop approaching the automobile she had parked illegally at the start of our relationship. She snatched my hand and dashed to the car ahead of the cop. She could have gone forward without me, but she grabbed my hand and yanked me back, indicating that she couldn’t stand being separated from me.
I remembered how tightly she had clutched my hand for days thereafter.
Even today, she grabs my hand and pulls me forward, through railway stations and past stores, and I realize how important I am to her.
2. Talk about work.
Sofiai used to work for Planned Parenthood when I first met her. When I attempted to imagine her accomplishing these things, the thought of her competence made her appear mysterious and strong. It was also reassuring to know that she was capable of taking care of herself and would not be reliant on me. In order for us ordinary humans to fall in love, the other person must have the correct balance of reliance and independence.
3. People expect you to speak negatively of someone, so say something pleasant about them.
I knew my future bride was not going to be like me as soon as we met. She was nine years my senior and nearly six inches taller. As an Indian, I didn’t find her appealing because she was blonde and blue-eyed. (Blonde implies starvation, as starved children’s hair turns straw-colored, and blue eyes appear spooky and alien.) All of this is to imply that, while my wife is conventionally attractive, her appearance did not play a significant role in my falling in love with her. I was more intrigued by her reaction to a woman who had slandered her in order to gain a promotion.
Instead of being furious, Lisa spoke about what a wonderful mother this woman was. Her kindness made me think to myself, “This is a person who will be kind to others, not just to me.”
4. Ask a boring question.
“Tell me something dull about you,” my future wife said as we walked through a park on a date. When she stated that, it gave me a huge sigh of relief. It made me feel like she was interested in getting to know me as a person, not just the public face I put on. I told her about how my parents used to put me to bed early when I was a kid, and as I lay awake at night, unable to sleep, I would hear the children on the street who were permitted to stay outside and imagine that life was somewhere else.
My wife continues to inquire about my lunch and whether the coffeemaker at work has been replaced. This helps me feel like I’m being heard. As much as we are huge spiritual things, we are the tiny elements of our existence and our responses to these circumstances.
5. Ask him to cook something for you.
Food is a portal to the past. When I toast an English muffin, I’m toasting not only the muffin, but also the TV commercials I saw as a kid and the first apartment my family rented when we moved to America. When SOFIA asked me to cook her dinner, the khicrdi (a type of gruel) I made brought back so many memories from my youth that it was a physical means of transporting Lisa back to her childhood.
Sofia still talks about what I did twenty years later. We often want to reveal ourselves but are unsure how. Preparing food for one another is a means of transporting someone into our history. Love necessitates attention. It takes a certain amount of enthusiasm to uncover the romance in the mundane. The only way to do this is to keep sharing our humanity, to keep saying that we are all in this together.
6. Volunteer together.
Sofiai had asked me to join her in cleaning a park one weekend. Going to a park on the Lower East Side of Manhattan with her one Saturday morning and picking up litter together got us talking about some things that don’t come up early in a relationship: what is our moral responsibility toward the world, and what is the moral stance with which we should approach the world?
This made me realize how much I respected Lisa and how much I wished I could be more like her, despite the fact that I am far more cynical than she is.
